I recently read I’m with the Band: Confessions of a Groupie by Pamela Des Barres. Always have been one of those “rock” girls.. and no, not like that but you know.. really watching the feeling in the singers eyes, appreciating the lyrics, loving the concerts, etc.. I really enjoyed the book and recommend it!!

This is memoir of Pamela in the late 1960’s and early 70’s. It details her encounters with many of the top musicians of that time (Jimmy Page, Mick Jagger, Brandon de Wilde, among others), but not in a disgusting manner. This book is more than just gossip.. more than just bragging. She tells her story from the point of view that she was giving them back something for which they gave her, music. which captivated her soul… as it does many of ours.. Not only a groupie, the book tells of her time as part of the famous GTO’- the girls who used an outwardly way to express themselves, being Frank Zappa’s nanny, and finally finding loving and settling down with a family after marrying Michael Des Barres. Pamela’s views of life, music, death, religion, and sacrifice are extremely incredible..

She has wrote another book now.. Take Another Little Piece of my Heart: A Groupie Grows Up detailing her life now.. divorced. which was a big fear of hers in the first book.. i hope to read that soon..

My immortal – Evanecense

“I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along”

this song randomly came on my ipod tonight.. everytime i hear this song i cry..it’s the only time that i can really cry though, and know why.. so that’s good. right?  my dear cousin joni sang this song at my grandfather’s funeral.. it always reminds me of him.. he was a good man.. a good father.. a very hard worker.. a terrific grandfather.. he had the best sense of humor, loved life and being outdoors and with family.. goodness, i could go on and on.. and i do regret not spending more time with him than i did now, which i’m sure we all say once someone we love passes.. but, we were all there in the end.. and he saw us and knew how much love was in that hospital room… i do miss him.. and i believe he was the kind of  man that everyone who knew him felt honored.. i wish he could have met meleia.. we miss you gramps.

it was such a beautiful day out.. i got a lot of errands done.. and i got to spend a little time with my douglas being his silly self and got a picture of him in his st. patty’s day gear..

i took meleia for a walk.. to blow bubbles.. and write on our whole sidewalk with chalk…

no green beer.. but a good day all in all.. i’m getting anxious for a change.. something different in our life.. i really want a job.. i really need to get out more.. i need to try to make myself more happy since it doesn’t matter how happy meleia and my doug can make me, until i can do it myself as well.. so… i know i always say it.. but soon a major change has to happen .. i really need a car and a job.. and i think i’ll feel better about things.. i love staying at home with meleia.. and i love cleaning and keeping the house and everything up.. but i need to get out some.. it gets too depressing always doing the same thing at home.. i don’t know.. maybe i’m just rambling and it doesn’t even make sense.. i just still am trying to get something inside me changed… blah.
again.. happy st. patrick’s day!!

we had such an amazing time saturday… it took two days to recover.. haha.  we did a lot of shopping  ;) ahhh… my favorite thing (although now that tax spree is over i’m going to stop being so frivolous in my spending.. we all are around here.. i swear) but we all got lots of goodies and then we headed out with joni, paige, and joe to the hull ave tavern and then to the lumberyard. haha. we had such fun..ended up staying out really late and i got sick 

BUT it was definelty worth the throwing up for all this….

my tutu!!

me and douglas at the bar

it’s always a plus to see joni

oh and also…  i finally bought doug his birthday present.. a panasonic sdr h40 video camera with 40 GB HDD.  he loves it.. and i’m happy to put that smile on his face.. it’s awesome and we should be getting some great videos soon!! check out the pics at www.dosepoet.com

but i guess a terrific weekend could lead to the start of a bad week.. or at least a bad day.. i guess i can’t get much right today.. there are a lot of things running and crashing around in my head.. a few things that need worked and talked out, probably.. there is that what if or something bad is going to happen feeling in the air.. and i don’t like it..

so the in-law’s.. (or not exactly yet but i like to call them that) sent us some pictures.. i had to post just because they are too cute.. and they make me laugh. i truelycan not wait to meet them. they raised a wonderful man and i can tell how much they love him every time we speak with them.. they have accepted meleia and i with open arms as well.. they are hilarious people.. and good hearted.. and this is their bunny on their front porch.. just another thing that makes me smile about them  :) we love you guys!!