ah… complete beauty… i’m in awe.  as much as i am not into being outside (haha), i would give anything to have just a few days here.. no meleia.. no one.. except my douglas (i’ll need pleasure from him;) ).. it is so perfect.  i want to flutter on these decks naked.. i want to lay on my back in the water.. i want to see the stars from the reflection in his eyes… oh take me there… please.  i can’t believe how amazingly beautiful it is.. i can only imagine how much better it is in person..

a lot of randomness tonight..
but feeling okay.. feeling loved.. feeling hopeful..

meleia’s tutu that came… adorable.

some notes from by baby…


and the jekyll and hyde alcohol bottles that are cool as hell.. we should have bought one to drink as well, since i insisted as using these as decoration.. but the jekyll is supposed to be like a berry-ish flavor.. and the hyde and a black licorice flavor.. ick!! one day maybe we’ll try them..

i went outside baby
ya let that sun light reflect
this soul
showing, shining on me
pale and innocent
how i wished you there
to cover me
make me yours
make beauty for all to see

that was a week ago baby
it’s cold now
raining
but i still want you here
want you to cry in the wetness
with me
want you to stand and let the water
wash our sins
away

we could start over
throw out those bottles
those bottles that get
us no where at the bottom
how i hate the bottom
of the bottle

time will take over though
throw more things into place
not too many pieces are missing now
we’ve found that line
where we love
where we laugh
where we share
where we shine

no matter what
i want you here
in the sun
the rain
and bottom of the bottle or not

(just a long as there is no madness involved )
i wish i knew how to get back into the groove of things.
sometimes i’m okay.. sometimes i’m not.
and there is no apparent reason…
for now. it’s the upside.

doug got to take the day off work friday for his birthday.. ya, a little late.. but. we made a fun day.. taking meleia for a walk.. going shopping.. burger king.. and he took me to get my belly button re pierced. very cute neon green and pink hearts barbell saturday and sunday we were joyfully lazy… and spent quality time at home… meleia conned a new spongebob video out of dose.. and mommy got a beautiful new necklace..
yes. still being spoiled. that is not the only reason why i love weekends though.. i love being able to go to sleep at the same time as doug. i love that i can lay there and talk about the silliest things for an hour (like just being thankful for having a roof over our heads) and he will just laugh with me.. it’s those special moments before falling asleep.. those moments of laying there, breathing in only each other.. that makes everything worth while.. seems we only really get those on the weekends because of his schedule.. at least makes them something to hold on to.

“.. so tell me why i don’t like monday…”

very beautiful day outside today.. although i hate being outside, i figured meleia would much appreciate it.. so we headed to the park.. fun time, actually.. with some good photos. got to hang with my mother.. missed mr. douglas though.. and actually did something productive… amazing 

i’m feeling a little better this week.. my child on the other hand isn’t. she’s having a rough week.. crying. crying. crying. sometimes. i could loose my mind i think… ahhh.. children. love her to pieces though.

“And I’ll cry for you
Yes, I’ll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I’ll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it’s for you
And I’ll take everything
As it comes my way
Pushin’ your pain ’round my door
And I’ll cry for you yes I’ll die for you
Is this blood on my hands all for you?”
-Candelbox, You

a lot of randomness. my mood. i miss him.. sometimes when he thinks i’m sleeping he whispers that he’s gonna marry me.. i pretend not to hear…sigh. i love him so.

we had a very quiet, but wonderful weekend around here..
Friday night I had a few drinks with a good friend I haven’t seen in a long time! We had fun and it was nice to see her.

saturday was spent with doug and meleia.. running errands, cleaning up the house and outside.. we watched IOWA– ah. what a portrayal of our town. lol. i think doug is going to blog about it later..

sunday was our nine month anniversary. <3
i still love him just as much, if not more.. as i on day one..
he wrote me a beautiful poem..
“and everything you do
is everything I need
it’s everything you do”
read the rest on www.dosepoet.com
and he got conned into buying meleia a stuffed animal at the gas station…
and going to mcdonalds in the middle of the night for me..
yes. that’s what true love is.

i hope all had a wonderful weekend…