fire.
so beautiful.
so bright.
so alive.
so complex and dangerous.
like me.
then it fades away…
as well as i will do..
when he’s gone.
and he’s leaving.
Archive for May, 2009
.fire.
Monday, May 11th, 2009mother’s day…
Sunday, May 10th, 2009having a special day dedicated to me.. just for being a mother to the amazing meleia still blows my mind.. it was an incredible day, filled with lots of love.. douglas helped out a lot, making the finishing touches for the day to be perfect… spending time with meleia, going shopping, as well as spending time with the whole family.. i sure am lucky to be the mother to such a wonderful child. i love her to pieces… as well as my mom…
my mother…
meleia and i…
the wonderful gifts i received… notice the ring on top of the smaller sign 
a beautiful surprise present from the amazing douglas…
i hope every mother out there had an amazing day… 
trapped inside myself.
Friday, May 8th, 2009
photos from the day…
Friday, May 8th, 2009of meleia and i… the only thing missing was douglas. very glad it’s the weekend so he will be home and we can have some quality together.. and i also know he’ll make it a wonderful mother’s day weekend for me…
even without the man in our lives, meleia and i still managed to have a good day and capture a few good memories…
mommy getting all ready…
both girls ready…
meleia being a silly goose…
the tractor in front of us while driving to missouri… so slow!!!!
the really pretty two toned roses that i got…
and meleia eating her snack before bed…
be silly with me.
Thursday, May 7th, 2009
..the kind of love that will last a life-time. caught on camera..
for you.
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
“hey…wait a minute..”
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
any time she sees me coming with the camera, she runs! getting a decent picture is ridiculous… but here she is, in all her glory.. mouthing me to stop taking pictures!! none the less, it makes me smile
skies are blue…
Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
looking….
Monday, May 4th, 2009you need to throw me away
but keep my face
i’m obviously no good in this place
who am i
who i am going to be
it’s not who you want me to be
but you found me
and still love me
so why would you have to go
all my days are spent
not knowing
how you feel
insecure
you never tell me it’s okay
what if you find me lying on the floor
i just want a distant
it’s okay
or a small squeeze
meaning the same thing
that you are here
you will stay
you stand by
it’s early morning
and i see in your face
it’s mid day
and i still see in your face
i try and try and try
and you never
you never tell
you never speak
and it hurts
and i feel like shit
just speak
damnit just speak
the weekend…
Sunday, May 3rd, 2009through my eyes. watching the lights of my life. first weekend out of the hospital i got to spend with meleia and douglas… and what an incredible time we made it.. shopping, friends, family, bbq’s, the lake, car washing, flower planting, wagon rides, visiting with grandpa teddie, and a break through on the potty!!! quite a few things accomplished, thanks to doug mostly.. with me still being pretty weak and a little sick, i got to sit on the sidelines a lot and enjoy… and i hope you enjoy seeing them as much as i did…
meleia is getting pretty good at washing the car with daddy…
meleia and daddy planting the new flowers…
a little shoulder ride after lunch at hardee’s…
meleia rockin’ her new glasses, waiting to go to grandpa’s…
my father and my love…
meleia hiding behind the giant golf ball statue…
update.
Friday, May 1st, 2009so…i am finally out of the hospital… after four days, about 11 GI fluid bags, and multiple shots… no- it was not the swine flu!! i’m so sick of being asked that, lol… being back home is wonderful. (and no, not just because of the oh-so-terrific nausea pills they prescribed me, which make me not know my own name, haha) don’t get me wrong, i am luckier than most and was taken care of so well while i was ill, i might miss that treatment my love ran back and forth from work to the hospital and back home, as well as keeping up the house the best he could.. and bringingsmall, but meaningful items to my lonely hospital room.. my mother took care of meleia for me, thank god for that.. many came to visit and i had so many wonderful calls, texts, and comments.. you realize who your real friends are in situation like that. but back home with meleia and my douglas is where i know i belong. i am still struggling with having any energy.. i have to have a lot of rest time… and i feel dizzy a lot still, but in time.. everything will be okay. so again, thank you to everyone who sent me warm wishes!!!
i want to personally thank you, doug.. for everything. and know how much i love you… i honestly do… and thank you for standing behind me.. and my everything.