we all know i’ve been going through a lot of stress lately due to multiple reasons.. and now at least one thing has been lifted off my chest.. i finally got the truth from douglas about what had really happened with his psycho ex the past couple weeks.. i trust he is telling me the truth now.. and i can only also trust that his word is true, and i am the only one.. so here is the letter i received from my love… proving to me that my heart beats again, and all i really needed was to hear the truth. the girl means nothing to me anymore… as i’ve said before, she is out there.. like really bad.. and i have nothing to worry about.

“My Dearest Lyndsay,

There’s surely been pain, distrust, lying and a little bit of hell felt by both of us lately. And you being the perfect lover and best friend had made me somewhat dishonest, but never unfaithful to you as you are my muse. At this moment you’re saying to yourself;

“how does being the perfect lover and best friend make you dishonest with me dose?”

Because I can NEVER lose you Lyndsay, that’s why, it’s that simple.

The number 5? The number fucking 5? Yeah baby, I’m a little insane you know. I parked….
(you can read the rest of this paragraph at www.dosepoet.com)
Misty called me back just after this and I’m pretty sure she saved my life for you and our family.

You’ll see the bill.

I made it home and tried to lay in bed next to you so fucking sexy, but looking at the ceiling fan reminded me of the number 5 and I had to get up and leave the room. Thank god you came after me and said “baby let’s go downstairs and smoke a cigarette” when you did. I remember I was on the couch with a blank stare counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… over and over while in between saying:
“the number, 5 the number 5, THE NUMBER 5.”

And after much thought and more conversation with Misty on the subject over the next few days, I know what I am about to tell you is the TRUTH that you deserve. Because you’re my MUSE, my most perfect LOVER and BEST friend. If you want to be, baby YOU can be my Konstantine.

Tonight – the Friday night of your first doctor’s appointment – I am giving you truth.

Ten days ago on a Tuesday night I was drunk – you know why. I sent Meghan a text message saying something to the point of;

“you don’t have to keep lying and sending fake fucking emails to break us up, Lyndsay is doing just fine in that area of our relationship on her own.”

Immediately my phone rang and it was her. We did talk about your and my current situation, as well as what it was going to take for her to go away FOREVER. She said her domain name would suffice. I was supposed to call her back but I never did. I could never do that to you – dial her number. Texting her was already a bigger mistake than I knew at the time.

Well, 2 nights later I was in bed next to you and you were HOME from that secret hell you posed on me. I felt so perfect with you, everything was going to be so perfect as your love has always been as true as true for me. My phone started vibrating. I looked and it was her. I didn’t answer but did not hit ignore either. She called like 7 times in a row this way and finally I grabbed the phone and ran down to the basement and answered;

“what the fuck???”

She complained that I had not called and I told her you were home and safe. She said to me and this is the complete truth;

“if she ever has your babies I’ll never talk to you again and we’ll never get back together.”

Are you fucking kidding me? That psycho bitch thinks I’d go back with her after she tried to destroy me?

I did appease her and just simply said;
“I know, I know.”

I got her off the phone, but I did try to keep her tame a while longer over the next day when my phone broke. I sent her text messages from my old phone to let her know.

Now, during the time before her first and second call to me, I did call US Cellular and change my billing address. I had to baby. At this point in our lives, with so much at stake and knowing I was innocent, you could NOT see my phone bill. It was pretty blond of me to give her this information, but I did.

It’s 4AM. I started writing this letter at 3….(again you can read the rest of this paragraph as well at www.dosepoet.com)

I love you so much; this alcoholic, poet, madman, loves you with all his heart, for you are his muse, his light, his every WORD.

I will never be unfaithful to you, not even in my little insane mind.
Forever your dosePoet,
d.

PS. Fuck you, Meghan. It’s all over, for you.”

so there it is in all it’s glory.. and the last line says the most.  hopefully we will now be able to turn the other way, go about our life, which is getting better everyday.. and forget. 

i love you douglas.  thank you for the truth.

it’s always safe here.

there is no way i could do without…any of this.