beware.. there are a lot of pictures

we use the back patio door as our main entrance.. here is walking in..

the stairs in the previous picture lead to the upstairs… my favorite besides the hot tub there is an office area up there as well..

here is walking into the kitchen from the entryway and views of the kitchen.. it is by far the largest one i’ve ever had and i LOVE having a bar area.. the door way shown goes to the basement.. which there are no pictures of because it is so chaotic down there right now.. but it is fully finished.. my laundry area is down there as well as a storage room and a huge room that right now serves as doug’s office/meleia’s playroom… but.. here is the kitchen…

the living room is huge thank goodness because of having to have two swings and bouncy chairs! besides some of meleia’s toys too!!! mind you, we have yet to finish hanging things on one wall.. you can see them still stacked..

the spare bathroom.. or as meleia calls it.. hers.

miss meleia’s room.. she likes to draw pictures, get tape, and hang them on her walls.. or anywhere .. haha

on to the boys’ room… which.. obviously they don’t spend anytime in there yet.. so it doesn’t bother me that we are still waiting on the tye dye bumper pads and curtain… otherwise right now it just holds their clothes.. supplies… and is a cute work in progress.. i’d say within a couple of months they should be sleeping in there… or we can hope!

and last but not least.. the master bed room and bath… i’ve never had my own closet before, let alone a walk in.. so i had to take a special picture of that as well here is another room that has the case of nothing being hung on the walls yet and the stuff is still in the corner.. lol. but.. soon.

hope you love it as much as we do!!!

it seems like i don’t know how to show it anymore.
hormones have had a crazy effect on me this time.

i feel sad. a lot.
i feel jealous.
scared.
upset.
angry.
paranoid.

i don’t know how this came about.
why this is what is happening.
i was never having any children.
let alone three.
i am in shock as well.
i know that’s part of what’s going on with me.

i know how happy you are.
how excited and optimistic you are.
how i wish i were like you.
i am so worried.
you don’t have any idea.

things are so messed up right now in my head.
everything is so real.
and so…
right in my face.
that i have to back off.
i have to scream.
i have to be mad.
because i can’t face this.
i am not ready to.
i’m too scared.

and i’m sure this explains nothing.
at most.
but maybe it will help some.

just by saying i love you.
and i’m not sure if you still love me, i guess.

remember the smiles… when everything wasn’t so stressful… when we had a few minutes to just.. be together.. and not worry about anything else. i need it… we need it. again. soon.

meleia’s THIRD birthday is coming up on the 20th. i can’t believe my girl is three already. we are having her party at pizza ranch and i have purchased the whole spongebob party theme set… cake, balloons, and all… via her request since this is the last year of her being an only sibling, we went a little over board on gifts as well… but i figure she deserves the best. she is my princess!! i am very excited to give her this special day.

lately i’ve been thinking i want the twins to both be boys.. just to make sure meleia stays the little princess.. lol
speaking of twins… so far, so good still.. in a couple weeks we get to find out their sex for sure.. so we will see.. last time i seen the dr the heartbeats were both good and she said that i was measuring about five and a half months normal pregnancy.. and i was only a little over four then.. hehe. so i am getting big.. which is a change for me, but i guess it’s expected with twins! (i better go back to being skinny!) still seeing the dr every two weeks.. but haven’t had to be in the hospital again, thank god… i still get sick everyday almost… and it’s hard to find things that sound good to eat and drink.. and i have like no energy.. but i guess it’s okay… getting anxious.

zak, douglas’s youngest son, might come to live with us for a year… to help with the babies, as well as with the business… but that plan is still in the works, we will see what happens..

we are still looking for a house, but hoping the right one will come along soon- i’m ready to get the move over with!! but on a positive note we have finally accomplished the goal of getting a vehicle figured out.. and this week i should be the owner of something new… so that is very exciting to me..

and a few new pictures to share…

meleia on the way to see fireworks..

doug after all the kids burned his eyes with sparklers, poor guy!!

meleia holding her own sparkler

meleia’s picture for her party invitations..

this book shelf is amazing… i have to find where to get one, or find someone who can make me one!!

noun, a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness due to a catastrophic explosion

there is a much needed break in our near future… soon, it will be our one year anniversary.. now, we had planned on an outdoor concert festival, but considering recent events (soon to be revealed here ) i’m not sure if that’s happening anymore.. there might just be a road trip, far away from here, and relaxation with the one i love.. after all. we deserve it… one year… one year of a lot of bull shit from a lot of people… of course i’ll make that special post later and go into more detail… none the less… we have a baby sitter, car, money.. and us. and that’s all we’ll need.. and we definitely need it after the past month or so..
you all know me… i’m just super excited to stay in a motel….

and i’ll leave with this.. the candle that sits in the middle of our kitchen table.. it is so weird that it has burned in the shape of a heart… i think it’s fate. here only two of the wicks are lit because the stupid air conditioner blew out the other.. but you get the gist…

i want to come back
back to you
to meleia
to our life

i want out of this
i want to rewind
when we had time
we need time

god we need time

please think hard
know nothing will change
and we have forever
to make what we want
no rush

remember when you’d rather have me
wouldn’t you rather have me back?