i love you.
i honestly do.

it seems like i don’t know how to show it anymore.
hormones have had a crazy effect on me this time.

i feel sad. a lot.
i feel jealous.
scared.
upset.
angry.
paranoid.

i don’t know how this came about.
why this is what is happening.
i was never having any children.
let alone three.
i am in shock as well.
i know that’s part of what’s going on with me.

i know how happy you are.
how excited and optimistic you are.
how i wish i were like you.
i am so worried.
you don’t have any idea.

things are so messed up right now in my head.
everything is so real.
and so…
right in my face.
that i have to back off.
i have to scream.
i have to be mad.
because i can’t face this.
i am not ready to.
i’m too scared.

and i’m sure this explains nothing.
at most.
but maybe it will help some.

just by saying i love you.
and i’m not sure if you still love me, i guess.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 23rd, 2009 at 8:03 PM and is filed under .randomness.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.